History: One-Shots
by MegaKat
Summary: A collection of one-shots for History that I just can't work into the story itself. Rated T for now, depending on Geta and Usagi's trollish mouths... R&R please!


**This is for AnaFrost, who was chatting with me one night and we both got going about Raditz's romantic adventures while in Frieza's employ…**

Raditz stretched and yawned, careful as always not to conk anyone in the head as he did so, and as he usually did while he was on leave, he carefully planned on how to extract himself from the bed he was sleeping in. Hm… one leg was draped over his torso, another over his right leg, two over his left leg, and at least six pairs of arms encircled him at some place or another. _Alright… left leg first, then I can get it on the… wait a second, what am I doing? _

Wearing a tiny grin, he used his ki to slowly levitate over the bed, intricately removing himself from the grasp of all the women sharing his bed. Gods, how many had he brought back to the inn last night, anyway? He quickly counted eight in the bed with him, and chuckled softly; all of them were wearing satisfied smiles… and not much else.

Alright… now where in the hell was his armor? He floated around the room quickly and quietly, shrugging on his spandex the moment he found it, then tugging on his armor piece by piece. At least the ladies had thrown it all in the same general direction, despite their zeal to get him naked. He left them more than enough credits to get breakfast; he wasn't exactly a gentleman, but he did have more than enough money, and the previous night's festivities had left him feeling generous. He just wished he could remember which one of them had done that enticing thing with her tongue; if he could, he'd be throwing her over his shoulder and taking her back to the ship with him for future use.

He didn't have time to wake them all up and ask for another round of sex, though. If he was late getting back to the ship again after a leave, Nappa would surely cut his next shore leave in half just to prove a point.

Raditz broke his fast quickly at an eatery not too far from the inn, and ran into the restroom there when he had a sudden urge to pee. "Damn, and I just went before I left the room. Must've been all that damned wine." He dropped his spandex at the urinal and stared at his penis for a moment; it looked awfully funny… and should it be… "Ye gods," he groaned, as he started to piss. "Gods, it _burns_!"

###############

"You're back early," Nappa said with mild surprise, when Raditz flew through the hatch and landed just outside the barracks. "I completely expected you to be late."

"I know that look all too well, Nappa," Raditz's brother said from behind him. "Either he killed someone on accident or he got a space whore pregnant. Which is it, Radu?"

"Shut up, Turley!" Raditz snapped angrily. "It's—it's neither of those… Nappa, would you… would mind…?"

"Just spit it out, brat, it's nothing I haven't heard in eighty years, I'm sure." The former general of the Saiyan armada blinked when Raditz pulled his spandex down, and fell out of his chair laughing hysterically, an action that none of them had ever seen. Ever. "It—it was only—a—a matter of time!" He cackled.

"What?" Turles asked curiously, stepping around. "Ugh, gods Raditz!? Did you fuck a nuclear waste barrel or something? That has to be the foulest, most disgusting thing I've ever laid my eyes on. And remember, I've looked at your face, so that's saying something."

"Why is it that color?" Raditz whimpered. "And why does it feel like I'm pissing razorblades?"

Nappa managed to climb back in his seat, still chuckling. "You've got the creeping crud, boy. Lucky for you, you got the kind that hits fast and hard."

"How is that _**lucky**_!?"

"Because Frieza would have your cock for brining disease on board and spreading it amongst the harem… which would spread it amongst his men, as well. Don't worry, though, we can fix this quickly." Nappa pulled out a piece of paper, scribbled something down, and handed it to Turles. "Go to the nearest chemist and get me that. Be quick about it, too, we don't want to be late leaving port."

"What's all the damned noise!?"

Nappa smirked and nodded in respect to the crown prince. "Nothing, Highness, Raditz is finally getting a lesson in why one shouldn't fuck space whores without protection."

"They weren't whores!" Raditz protested loudly. "Prince Vegeta was there, he knows!"

"Well, then maybe you should stick with the whores," his father's voice said from behind him. "I told you not to take that girl back with you, boy."

"He didn't," Vegeta said almost gleefully. "That girl was really a man in drag. He took the rest of them, though."

Raditz looked at them all with murder in his eyes. "I hate you all."

"You're really going to hate us in a minute, brat," Bardock replied with a grin. "Nappa, while we're waiting on my other brat, get me the needle."

Nappa chuckled and nodded. "My thoughts, exactly. I'll get the **big** one. I'll meet you up the hall."

Raditz yelped a little when his father jerked him by his armor collar and drug him up the hall while a chuckling Vegeta followed them to Raditz's quarters. Bardock dumped him on his bed before going into the adjoining bathroom and snagging some towels.

"Got the needle," Nappa said from the doorway.

"And I've got the medicine," Turles called cheerfully, grinning at the ungodly size of the needle. "Let's do this, Radu."

"Off with the shorts, brat," Bardock grunted, standing back so Nappa could get to work.

Raditz's eyes grew wide and he vigorously shook his head when he saw Nappa draw medicine from the small bottle into the huge needle. "You're out of your fucking minds! You are **not** sticking that thing in my cock!"

Nappa eyed him gravely. "I don't have to do this, no. But it's either this, or it rots off in a few weeks. Slowly and painfully. The burning piss is only the beginning, boy. The balls go next, then it spreads to your prostate and your bladder."

"Will it really do all of that?" Turles whispered low so only the prince could hear him.

"No," Vegeta replied, "and it'll actually clear up with pills, too," he added with a grin. He raised his voice a little so the oldest son of Bardock could hear him. "This is what you get for being such a slut, Radu."

"Shut up, Vegeta," Raditz snapped, his eyes crossing as he watched Nappa lower the needle to his discolored urethra. A very unmanly whimper escaped his throat when the older Saiyan used his ki to heat the medicine. "Where in the hell did you learn this remedy, old man?"

"This is the remedy from the Tuffle War," Nappa replied absently.

"Damn, you **are **old."

"It isn't wise to crack on a warrior that's holding a six-gauge needle in front of your cock, son," Bardock snorted. "Now hold still, or he might miss and we'll have to do this all over again… do we need to pin you?"

"No," he answered meekly, and yelled when the needle was jammed into his meatus. "IT BURNS, DAMN YOU!"

All of the other Saiyans cackled, and Nappa shook his head. "You are such a pussy, brat. I haven't even injected the meds, yet. If you think this is bad…" He pushed the plunger down halfway with little mercy and snickered when Raditz screamed his head off. "No shame, brat, I know how bad that burns," Nappa admitted. "Once got into it with a space whore I should have left the hell alone, and the prince's grandfather got the honor of treating the crud for me."

"Nappa was quite the slut in his day, too," Bardock informed his son. "Now maybe you'll stop being one, or you'll at least have the common sense to wrap it up."

"Alright, brat. Now the rest of it," the bald Saiyan said grimly.

"The rest of it?" Raditz squeaked; he looked like he was going to cry.

"Yup. On the count of three, boy, alright? One, Two…"

Raditz's obsidian eyes grew wide as he clutched at the sheets below him as Nappa pushed the rest of the meds into his penis. "YOU SAID THREE, YOU PRICK!"

"Yes… yes I did," Nappa snickered.

Vegeta looked like he was about to die. "I'll, um… be right back." The crown prince darted into the bathroom and laughed harder than he had since he'd been twelve and spending time with his sister every day; she never failed to get a laugh out of him whenever she was around. Oh gods, if he ever found her, he was going to have to tell her about this!

Bardock rolled his eyes when Turles sat down on the floor from laughing so hard, while everyone could hear Vegeta doing the same in the bathroom. "Brats, I swear."

"Which is why I haven't had any," Nappa pointed out.

Raditz winced as the needle was removed from him, and quickly covered his junk to shield it from any further battery with needles as wide as fingers. "You haven't had any brats because you couldn't even get a Saibaman to fuck you, Nappa."

Nappa just stared at him, then looked pointedly between his legs. "You're one to talk, brat. You couldn't fuck a Saibaman even if you tried. At least I'll be able to get mine up over the next month."

"A whole month?" He asked meekly, totally cowed by the prospect of not getting any for four whole weeks.

"Shouldn't have been such a slut, boy."

**I hope you enjoyed this, it was horribly shurt, but it was just too tempting!**


End file.
